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Are You Planning for the New Year?

December 31, 2014

In a few hours, 2014 will come to a close (at least where I am living).  With that, we start a new year.  Most people are thinking about their resolutions for the next 12 months and the goals they hope to achieve.  As you are reflecting back on this year, if you were able to reach your goals (or even exceed them), then congratulate yourself on your success.  If, however, for whatever reason, you weren’t successful in meeting your resolutions, then here are three simple tips (yes, I want to make this easy rather than complicated) to consider as you are making your resolutions for the year.

  1. Shake it off.  It’s a new year.  Whatever happened in 2014, whatever you’ve been through, it’s time to “shake it off” and move forward.  Even if you are still dealing with a certain situation, tell yourself that you will keep on moving forward no matter how small the progress or how difficult it may be to do this.  As in Taylor Swift’s song Shake It Off, “But I just keep on cruising, can’t stop, won’t stop moving.  It’s like I got this music in my mind singing, it’s gonna be alright.”  Keep on cruising and don’t stop moving forward.
  2. Take the good and learn from the bad.  As much as there may have been difficult circumstances or negative events during the year, you probably experienced positive situations as well.  If you really thought about all the things that went well (again, no matter how minor or small they may seem—think “things-to-be-grateful-for”), you can come up with a list of these events.  Don’t take them for granted.  As for the challenges, what can you learn from them?  What is the takeaway you can apply in the new year, if not the future?  Even in the most negative situations, there lies a learning opportunity if you are willing to look for it.
  3. The power of 1.  When you are thinking of your resolutions, rather than listing all of the changes you will make, identify the one thing (i.e., one behavior) you can do now.  For example, if you are planning to change and improve your eating habits, what can you do today?  Will you consider enjoying the party foods, but in moderation?  Can you plan your meals for tomorrow?  Keep it simple.  One behavior may not seem like much, but think about how changing one behavior consistently will add up 12 months from now.

I hope the next year will bring you much joy and fulfillment.  I wish you much success in reaching your goals.

Categories: Goal setting, Motivation, Psychologist, Self-Help
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The Art of Simplifying

September 12, 2014

One of the reasons we become stressed is that we take on too much.  Whether it is responsibilities, things, or relationships, somehow it becomes more than we can handle, and before we know it, we feel overwhelmed.  We generally take on more than we can handle due to feelings of obligation or guilt, and/or unrealistic perceptions or expectations.  For example, we may engage in certain activities because we believe that’s what we should do, or purchase more things because that shows that we are successful, or even be in certain relationships that are not fulfilling because not doing so may hurt the other person.  Unfortunately, when we do this, we overwhelm ourselves with people, things, and situations that drain us of our energy.

One way to counter or deal with stress is to simplify your life.  I refer to simplification an art.  For most of us, “simplifying” does not come easy and it’s a skill that must be learned and mastered.  Like any art form, it must be practiced with regularity.

I’ve found that there are three essential steps to simplifying your life:

  1. Identify and make a list of the “energy drainers.”  This can be things/objects you own that no longer provide value, but you continue to spend time/money on for upkeep, activities that you are doing that are no longer enjoyable or you do just for the sake of doing (and no, I’m not referring to your responsibilities, although you may want to look at some of that and ask yourself whether they are actually your responsibilities).  Another area that can be stressful are your relationships.  Are they mutually satisfying or draining?
  2. Eliminate the “energy drainers” or think about how to change the situation.  I realize that you may not want to or even be able to eliminate certain activities, objects, or relationships, however, are there ways you can modify how you handle them.  With relationships, it may mean setting better boundaries or limiting your interactions with the other person(s).  If you are feeling overwhelmed by unproductive activities, it may involve scaling back and selecting the 1-2 that you find most enjoyable.  When looking at your responsibilities, consider whether they are actually what you need to do.  Are you taking on something that someone else should or can do?  What is that you really need to do?  With objects (i.e., things you own), go over them and ask yourself, if you need them—what you want to live with and what you can not do without.  Consider whether the item adds value to your life.  If not, toss it, sell it, or give it away.
  3. Continually assess your level of stress.  Simplifying your life is more of a process than a state of being.  We are constantly bombarded with more to do and things to have that it becomes easy to take on more . . . again.

The point is that your life may never be carefree. It’s about learning to differentiate between what is important or of value to you and what you can (or sometimes must) let go.

Categories: Anxiety, Mental Health, Relationship issues, Self-Help, Stress Management
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It’s Time to “Get-R-Done!”

March 15, 2012

I saw a clip of Larry the Cable Guy the other night while channel-surfing and heard his famous term, “Get-R-Done!” which reminded me:  Now that National Procrastination Week was over (if you missed it, it was last week), I seriously needed to get things done.  I have to admit that I have a tendency to procrastinate and need to keep myself on task to get items from my To-Do list to the Got-Done list rather than “waiting until the last minute” and dealing with the stress and anxiety.  Over the past few years, I’ve come up with some strategies that I use and have also recommended to clients.  See if any of these will work for you.  (If you’re not a procrastinator, good for you!)

  1. Break it down into smaller tasks.  If you are looking to tackle a “big project,” chances are when you look at the “whole thing,” you may feel overwhelmed and more apt to “put it off until later.”  However, breaking it down into smaller tasks will make it easier to complete.  Think of it not as one big project, but rather a bunch of smaller tasks.
  2. “Just do it.”  To quote the Nike ad, sometimes you just need to take action, however small (see #1), which then creates momentum.  I heard a writer say that the way in which he overcomes writer’s block is to just start writing regardless of whether he feels like it or not.  He admitted that the first few minutes of his writing is “gibberish,” but as he continues and gets into the “groove,” he ends up with something worthwhile.  Likewise, once you start something, you are more likely to continue.
  3. Good enough is good enough.  One reason people struggle with procrastination has to do with perfectionism.  That whatever they need to get done has to be “perfect” and therefore, they put off completing tasks because it’s “not good enough.”  Unfortunately, for perfectionists, no matter what they do or how good it is, it may never reach perfection.  More importantly, this is unattainable.  Ask yourself, “What is the price (or result) of not having anything done versus having something done?”
  4. Reward yourself.  Let’s face it, we tend to procrastinate on things we don’t want to do rather than things we like to do (at least I tend to do this).  Consequently, you probably need more motivation to get these tasks done.  To sustain your motivation, reward yourself once you complete a task (even the smaller ones).  Rewards don’t necessarily mean that you have to “buy stuff.”  Some of the rewards that have worked for me include taking a walk, listening to music, reading a good book, calling a friend, and getting a cup of coffee.

So, whatever your reason(s) for procrastinating, I hope you’ll try some of these strategies and “get-r-done!”

Categories: Anxiety, Mental Health, Procrastination, Psychologist, Self-Help, Stress Management
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What are you grateful for?

November 1, 2011

It’s that time of the year—the holidays.   With Halloween over, the holiday preparations are in full swing.  Going into a store yesterday, on Halloween day, I could not believe that they were already putting up the Christmas decorations!  Wait, can’t we finish celebrating Halloween first before we think about the other holidays?  Later this month, we will be celebrating Thanksgiving Day, a time when we get together with family and friends and “give thanks.”  Although this is something that should be done “year-round,” it’s unfortunate that for most, thinking about what we are grateful for seems only to occur around this time.

Using this time as a starting point, how about creating a “ritual” of sorts.  No, I’m not getting “spiritual” or “new-agey,” just giving you an opportunity to really think about what you have (vs. not have) and to appreciate it.  So, my challenge to you is this:  Before you go to bed tonight, think of three (yes, only three) things you are grateful for.  If you are married/in a relationship and/or have children, you may want to do this together.  Each person comes up with three things they are grateful for and shares it with the other(s).  The “things” don’t have to be anything “big.”  For example, my “lists” have included 1) my children (as much as they can be a “hand-full” at times), 2) a beautiful day (it could be stormy), 3) my computer booting up when I needed it to (sometimes it’ll freeze up or take forever-and-a-day to do this), 4) a motorist kind enough to let me into merging traffic (rather than cutting me off), etc.  Think about what’s around you or the day-to-day events that you may take for granted.

By listing what you are grateful for, especially at the end of the day, you go to bed on a positive-note and you get a sense that, perhaps what you have is indeed A LOT.  For those of you with children, you’ll give them a sense of appreciation for what they have around them.

So, what are you grateful for?

Categories: Happiness, Holidays, Joy, Self-Help
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