It’s Self-Care Sunday!

Posted July 3, 2016 by Linda T. Inatsuka, Ph.D.
Categories: Uncategorized

Self-care Sunday

Here’s your self-care tip:  Start a journal.  Writing in a journal has many benefits to help you relax, rejuvenate, and re-energize, including clearing your mind, creating goals, working on your dreams, dealing with difficult emotions, increasing gratitude, and problem-solving, to name a few.  Your journal does not have to be “fancy.”:  A simple notebook will do, or you can keep a digital journal on your computer/tablet (though there’s something about taking pen to paper).  There is also no specific format that you need to follow:  Just write or doodle/draw to your heart’s content.

Now, go do it!

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50 Shades of Fun for Couples

Posted March 17, 2015 by Linda T. Inatsuka, Ph.D.
Categories: Happiness, Joy, Marriage, Psychologist, Relationship issues, Relaxation
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Here are a list of activities that you can do to have fun as a couple.  Some of them may seem silly or quirky, but the point is to do something out of the ordinary to “shake things up” and have fun.  Hopefully, this will also inspire you to come up with your own list (see #50)!  (These should be done together unless noted otherwise.)

  1. Give each other a back massage (or foot massage).
  2. Cook a meal together (not your usual weekday meal).
  3. Go out for ice cream and try your partner’s favorite flavor.  (If you both like the same flavor, then each of you tries something new.)
  4. Read a passage from a book (hint:  think romantic and/or “spicy”) to your partner.
  5. Try (or learn) a new sport or hobby together.
  6. Put on some music and dance while you do the chores together.
  7. Just put on some music and dance!  (If you have children/grandchildren, show them the dances you grew up with—Jitterbug, Hustle, Electric Slide, Macarena.)
  8. Go on a date, BUT pretend that you don’t know each other.  Use your best “pick-up” line and flirt (shamelessly) with each other.
  9. Have breakfast in bed and read the Sunday comics together.
  10. Work on a puzzle.
  11. Play a board game.
  12. Leave “love notes” (e.g., Post-It notes with a note on it) for your partner to find in various places (e.g., clothes drawer, briefcase, purse, dashboard of car, etc.).
  13. Make a “Top 10 List” of the funniest moments/events in the history of your marriage/relationship.  Frame this list or put it in a scrapbook.
  14. Find a volunteer activity to do together.
  15. Take a drive to somewhere out of town neither of you have visited and go exploring!
  16. Try a new restaurant.
  17. Take a bath/shower together.
  18. Go to a playground and play!
  19. Create your own “bedtime story.”  Give a new meaning to “pillow talk.”
  20. Have a picnic at home—in your living room, in the backyard—lay a blanket to sit on, have finger foods.
  21. Go fly a kite!
  22. Go to Karaoke night and sing a duet together.
  23. Challenge your partner to a video game (e.g., sports or dance games).
  24. Do a “challenge” together (e.g., 90-Day Fitness Challenge, 3 months to meet a goal etc.).
  25. Have a pillow “fight.”
  26. Bike, hike, jog, run, or walk through a park.
  27. Go the beach to watch the sunset (or sunrise).
  28. Have a moonlight picnic, in the backyard, under the stars . . . with a flashlight.
  29. Go on a walking tour of your city/town.
  30. Visit a museum and later talk about what you liked/disliked or learned.
  31. Create new memories:  Take pictures of yourselves having fun and create a scrapbook of memories—actual album or on your computer, tablet—to look through from time to time.
  32. Share jokes or funny stories with your partner, or watch comedy shows or funny video clips together.
  33. Find your “theme song” as a couple, or write your own together.
  34. Recall what you did as a child for fun (e.g., hopscotch, jump rope, roller skating, hula hoop, etc.) and do it together.
  35. Have movie night at home—with popcorn, box of candies, etc.
  36. Have a meal with only finger foods, and feed each other.
  37. Buy a bottle of bubbles and blow bubbles.
  38. Bake bread—knead, roll, punch the dough together.
  39. Finger paint or create a piece of artwork together, frame it, and hang it in your bedroom.
  40. Visit the zoo or aquarium.  Pick out your favorite attraction and share it with your partner.
  41. Give each other a manicure/pedicure (nail polish, optional).
  42. Spend a morning in bed just cuddling.
  43. Have a couples’ “spa day”—pamper each other at home, or go to a spa.
  44. Go to a flea market and hunt for “treasure(s).”
  45. Create your “couples playlist” of favorite songs.
  46. Do something exhilarating (rock climbing, sky diving, zip lining, etc.).
  47. Take a pottery class (a la the movie “Ghost”).
  48. Go to a wine-, beer-, coffee-tasting event.
  49. Take dance classes (e.g., Ballroom, Salsa, etc.) that you can do as a couple.
  50. Create your own “50 Shades of Fun.”

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Are You Planning for the New Year?

Posted December 31, 2014 by Linda T. Inatsuka, Ph.D.
Categories: Goal setting, Motivation, Psychologist, Self-Help
Tags: , ,

In a few hours, 2014 will come to a close (at least where I am living).  With that, we start a new year.  Most people are thinking about their resolutions for the next 12 months and the goals they hope to achieve.  As you are reflecting back on this year, if you were able to reach your goals (or even exceed them), then congratulate yourself on your success.  If, however, for whatever reason, you weren’t successful in meeting your resolutions, then here are three simple tips (yes, I want to make this easy rather than complicated) to consider as you are making your resolutions for the year.

  1. Shake it off.  It’s a new year.  Whatever happened in 2014, whatever you’ve been through, it’s time to “shake it off” and move forward.  Even if you are still dealing with a certain situation, tell yourself that you will keep on moving forward no matter how small the progress or how difficult it may be to do this.  As in Taylor Swift’s song Shake It Off, “But I just keep on cruising, can’t stop, won’t stop moving.  It’s like I got this music in my mind singing, it’s gonna be alright.”  Keep on cruising and don’t stop moving forward.
  2. Take the good and learn from the bad.  As much as there may have been difficult circumstances or negative events during the year, you probably experienced positive situations as well.  If you really thought about all the things that went well (again, no matter how minor or small they may seem—think “things-to-be-grateful-for”), you can come up with a list of these events.  Don’t take them for granted.  As for the challenges, what can you learn from them?  What is the takeaway you can apply in the new year, if not the future?  Even in the most negative situations, there lies a learning opportunity if you are willing to look for it.
  3. The power of 1.  When you are thinking of your resolutions, rather than listing all of the changes you will make, identify the one thing (i.e., one behavior) you can do now.  For example, if you are planning to change and improve your eating habits, what can you do today?  Will you consider enjoying the party foods, but in moderation?  Can you plan your meals for tomorrow?  Keep it simple.  One behavior may not seem like much, but think about how changing one behavior consistently will add up 12 months from now.

I hope the next year will bring you much joy and fulfillment.  I wish you much success in reaching your goals.

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Give the Gift of Kindness

Posted December 18, 2014 by Linda T. Inatsuka, Ph.D.
Categories: Happiness, Holidays, Joy, Psychologist
Tags: , , , , ,

The holidays are here and most people are doing their last minute shopping for gifts.  As you are shopping for the “perfect gift” for your family and friends, consider giving the “gift of kindness” this season.  The gift of kindness is not costly and it will not put you in debt, and what you receive in “return” (i.e., making others feel good) will be priceless.  The point is to give this gift to those who may not be in your usual social circle.

To get started, here are some ideas:

  • Purchase a few $5 or $10 gift cards to give to strangers.
  • Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless/women’s shelter.
  • Spend a day or a few hours doing household tasks or running errands for an elderly neighbor, or providing childcare for a single mother.
  • When you are purchasing your meal in a drive-thru line, purchase or give money toward the meal for the car in line behind you.

Get creative and find other ways to give this gift!

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How to Get Up and Go When Your “Get Up” Has Gone

Posted September 15, 2014 by Linda T. Inatsuka, Ph.D.
Categories: Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health, Motivation, Procrastination
Tags: , , , , , , ,

It’s Monday . . . the beginning of another week.  You may be bleary-eyed from your weekend, thinking about needing another day just to recover from the past two days.  It’s easier just to stay in bed rather than get up and go. We’ve all probably felt this way at one time or another. However, the motivation to get up and do something is low especially if you are feeling stressed, depressed, or anxious. You know you have to move, but you’re stuck and feel you can’t find the energy to do anything.

Here are some strategies to help you get going. Notice that it’s all about taking the first step to get started.

Create momentum.

Take one small step. Do something, anything. Remember Newton’s Law: Objects at rest tend to stay at rest. Objects in motion tend to stay in motion.
When starting an activity you don’t feel motivated to do, use the 10-minute rule. If after 10 minutes, you really don’t feel like you want to continue, stop. However, more often than not, I found that I’ve created enough momentum in 10 minutes to keep on going.

Take a shower and get dressed.

This sounds simple and basic, but for some, just taking a shower and getting dressed can be a chore. By taking this simple step, not only will feel better (think “fresh and clean”), but it “tells” your mind that you’re ready to do something (or go out—see below).

Go outside.

I lived in Vermont for a few years, so I know how depressing it can get when you are stuck inside due to bad weather. It’s easy to feel “unmotivated” when you are indoors and looking at the four walls of your room. Being outdoors, getting some fresh air, and Vitamin D sunshine tends to lift your spirits to get things done.

Follow a routine.

Create a schedule and follow it even if there are only a few tasks that you do or no matter how “mundane” or minimal they seem. Put them on your calendar. Think of the sense of accomplishment you’ll feel at the end of the day when you “check off” those tasks on your list (see below). You may be inspired to do more!

Think about how you’ll feel later.

How will you feel once you get going? or How will you feel if you don’t?  Will you feel gratified that you were able to get up and get things done or will you feel disappointed that you weren’t able to do this?  For some, the positive feeling of accomplishment may be a good motivator, for others, it may be the “pain” of disappointment that they want to avoid.

Waiting for “when I feel like it” may never come (or it may be a long time before it does).  Try any of these strategies and find your “get up and go!”

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The Art of Simplifying

Posted September 12, 2014 by Linda T. Inatsuka, Ph.D.
Categories: Anxiety, Mental Health, Relationship issues, Self-Help, Stress Management
Tags: , , ,

One of the reasons we become stressed is that we take on too much.  Whether it is responsibilities, things, or relationships, somehow it becomes more than we can handle, and before we know it, we feel overwhelmed.  We generally take on more than we can handle due to feelings of obligation or guilt, and/or unrealistic perceptions or expectations.  For example, we may engage in certain activities because we believe that’s what we should do, or purchase more things because that shows that we are successful, or even be in certain relationships that are not fulfilling because not doing so may hurt the other person.  Unfortunately, when we do this, we overwhelm ourselves with people, things, and situations that drain us of our energy.

One way to counter or deal with stress is to simplify your life.  I refer to simplification an art.  For most of us, “simplifying” does not come easy and it’s a skill that must be learned and mastered.  Like any art form, it must be practiced with regularity.

I’ve found that there are three essential steps to simplifying your life:

  1. Identify and make a list of the “energy drainers.”  This can be things/objects you own that no longer provide value, but you continue to spend time/money on for upkeep, activities that you are doing that are no longer enjoyable or you do just for the sake of doing (and no, I’m not referring to your responsibilities, although you may want to look at some of that and ask yourself whether they are actually your responsibilities).  Another area that can be stressful are your relationships.  Are they mutually satisfying or draining?
  2. Eliminate the “energy drainers” or think about how to change the situation.  I realize that you may not want to or even be able to eliminate certain activities, objects, or relationships, however, are there ways you can modify how you handle them.  With relationships, it may mean setting better boundaries or limiting your interactions with the other person(s).  If you are feeling overwhelmed by unproductive activities, it may involve scaling back and selecting the 1-2 that you find most enjoyable.  When looking at your responsibilities, consider whether they are actually what you need to do.  Are you taking on something that someone else should or can do?  What is that you really need to do?  With objects (i.e., things you own), go over them and ask yourself, if you need them—what you want to live with and what you can not do without.  Consider whether the item adds value to your life.  If not, toss it, sell it, or give it away.
  3. Continually assess your level of stress.  Simplifying your life is more of a process than a state of being.  We are constantly bombarded with more to do and things to have that it becomes easy to take on more . . . again.

The point is that your life may never be carefree. It’s about learning to differentiate between what is important or of value to you and what you can (or sometimes must) let go.

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It’s Time to “Get-R-Done!”

Posted March 15, 2012 by Linda T. Inatsuka, Ph.D.
Categories: Anxiety, Mental Health, Procrastination, Psychologist, Self-Help, Stress Management
Tags: , , ,

I saw a clip of Larry the Cable Guy the other night while channel-surfing and heard his famous term, “Get-R-Done!” which reminded me:  Now that National Procrastination Week was over (if you missed it, it was last week), I seriously needed to get things done.  I have to admit that I have a tendency to procrastinate and need to keep myself on task to get items from my To-Do list to the Got-Done list rather than “waiting until the last minute” and dealing with the stress and anxiety.  Over the past few years, I’ve come up with some strategies that I use and have also recommended to clients.  See if any of these will work for you.  (If you’re not a procrastinator, good for you!)

  1. Break it down into smaller tasks.  If you are looking to tackle a “big project,” chances are when you look at the “whole thing,” you may feel overwhelmed and more apt to “put it off until later.”  However, breaking it down into smaller tasks will make it easier to complete.  Think of it not as one big project, but rather a bunch of smaller tasks.
  2. “Just do it.”  To quote the Nike ad, sometimes you just need to take action, however small (see #1), which then creates momentum.  I heard a writer say that the way in which he overcomes writer’s block is to just start writing regardless of whether he feels like it or not.  He admitted that the first few minutes of his writing is “gibberish,” but as he continues and gets into the “groove,” he ends up with something worthwhile.  Likewise, once you start something, you are more likely to continue.
  3. Good enough is good enough.  One reason people struggle with procrastination has to do with perfectionism.  That whatever they need to get done has to be “perfect” and therefore, they put off completing tasks because it’s “not good enough.”  Unfortunately, for perfectionists, no matter what they do or how good it is, it may never reach perfection.  More importantly, this is unattainable.  Ask yourself, “What is the price (or result) of not having anything done versus having something done?”
  4. Reward yourself.  Let’s face it, we tend to procrastinate on things we don’t want to do rather than things we like to do (at least I tend to do this).  Consequently, you probably need more motivation to get these tasks done.  To sustain your motivation, reward yourself once you complete a task (even the smaller ones).  Rewards don’t necessarily mean that you have to “buy stuff.”  Some of the rewards that have worked for me include taking a walk, listening to music, reading a good book, calling a friend, and getting a cup of coffee.

So, whatever your reason(s) for procrastinating, I hope you’ll try some of these strategies and “get-r-done!”

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Love Notes

Posted February 14, 2012 by Linda T. Inatsuka, Ph.D.
Categories: Holidays, Joy, Marriage, Parenting, Relationship issues
Tags: , , , , , ,

Last evening, I ended up at the local Wal-Mart store, frantically looking for Valentine’s Day cards for my kids (each child needed a box of cards for their class), in addition to the “treat” that would be attached to each card.  As I was standing in the “seasonal section” (you know, the aisles devoted to a particular holiday), I noticed how crowded it was.  We needed to maneuver ourselves around shopping carts and let people pass just to get through the aisles.  There was a mix of people grabbing stuffed animals emblazoned with hearts or heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, men carrying bouquets of roses, and moms like me sifting through boxes of Valentine’s Day cards trying to pick the ones my kids would like (Toy Story characters and extreme sports pictures).  Add to this, trying to find the right treat (lollipops or chocolates) to go with the cards.  I was stuck in a Valentine’s frenzy of sorts.  Aargh!

Once home, it was now time to assemble everything.  My children were intent on making sure that each classmate was included.  They took the time to sign their names, and once all the cards were “addressed,” they meticulously (of course I helped) attached the treats to the cards.  It took us some time to complete this task, as my kids seemed to take pride in what they were doing.  Watching them, the thought then occurred, “Why is it that we focus on one day to tell our loved ones that we love or care about them?”  We look for the perfect card, gift, restaurant on this one particular day in February.  Shouldn’t we be doing this on a regular basis?  That is, not only on a special day?

As Valentine’s Day 2012 comes to an end, how about starting something new?  Send your loved ones (e.g., spouse/partner, parent, children, friends, etc.) Love Notes.  In this age of technology (e.g., e-mail, texts), a written love note is unexpected, and perhaps a pleasant surprise.   All you need is some note paper.  Post-It notes are great for this.  If you want to get creative, use notes in different colors.  Write a simple sentence conveying how you feel about the person (“I love you), or a compliment (“You’re a great friend”).  Looking at some of the Valentine’s Day cards my kids gave out, how about sending someone a note with “You rule!” or “You’re extreme!”  Place the notes in unexpected places, of course you want to make sure that the recipient of your note finds it.  For your spouse/partner, it may be the bathroom mirror, purse/briefcase/wallet, or clothes drawer.  Your co-worker may appreciate a note placed on their desk.  For your kids, the notes may be placed in their book bags, in their student planner, in a book they are reading, or where they sit at the dining table.  This simple gesture will uplift your loved ones.   You’ll let them know that they are loved and appreciated all year round.

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What are you grateful for?

Posted November 1, 2011 by Linda T. Inatsuka, Ph.D.
Categories: Happiness, Holidays, Joy, Self-Help
Tags: , , , , , , ,

It’s that time of the year—the holidays.   With Halloween over, the holiday preparations are in full swing.  Going into a store yesterday, on Halloween day, I could not believe that they were already putting up the Christmas decorations!  Wait, can’t we finish celebrating Halloween first before we think about the other holidays?  Later this month, we will be celebrating Thanksgiving Day, a time when we get together with family and friends and “give thanks.”  Although this is something that should be done “year-round,” it’s unfortunate that for most, thinking about what we are grateful for seems only to occur around this time.

Using this time as a starting point, how about creating a “ritual” of sorts.  No, I’m not getting “spiritual” or “new-agey,” just giving you an opportunity to really think about what you have (vs. not have) and to appreciate it.  So, my challenge to you is this:  Before you go to bed tonight, think of three (yes, only three) things you are grateful for.  If you are married/in a relationship and/or have children, you may want to do this together.  Each person comes up with three things they are grateful for and shares it with the other(s).  The “things” don’t have to be anything “big.”  For example, my “lists” have included 1) my children (as much as they can be a “hand-full” at times), 2) a beautiful day (it could be stormy), 3) my computer booting up when I needed it to (sometimes it’ll freeze up or take forever-and-a-day to do this), 4) a motorist kind enough to let me into merging traffic (rather than cutting me off), etc.  Think about what’s around you or the day-to-day events that you may take for granted.

By listing what you are grateful for, especially at the end of the day, you go to bed on a positive-note and you get a sense that, perhaps what you have is indeed A LOT.  For those of you with children, you’ll give them a sense of appreciation for what they have around them.

So, what are you grateful for?

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Are You Getting Enough Zzzzzz’s?

Posted May 25, 2011 by Linda T. Inatsuka, Ph.D.
Categories: Depression, Mental Health, Psychology, Relaxation, Stress Management
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Lack of quality sleep can not only impair your physical health, but also your emotional well-being.  Research has shown that sleep deprivation and irregular sleep patterns can weaken the immune system or your body’s ability to handle illness and disease.  The effects of inadequate sleep include heart disease, hypertension, slurred speech, and tremors, not to mention slower reaction times, difficulty managing stress, and poor memory functioning.  Sleep disturbance is one of the symptoms of mood disorders such as depression.  But, studies have found that sleep deprivation can also “trigger” depression and mood disorders.  Sleep deprivation has also been found to be associated with weight gain, as lack of sleep interferes with hormone levels including those regulating appetite.  As you can see, getting enough quality sleep is important for your overall health.

Tips for Better Sleep:

Use the following tips to help you fall asleep and to improve the quality of your sleep.  Studies have shown that most people need at least 7-9 hours of sleep a night to feel rested.

  • Avoid eating a large meal before bedtime.  Try to have your last meal at least 3-4 hours prior to bedtime.  However, if you are hungry, a light snack such as yogurt or crackers may be eaten.
  • Develop a relaxing bedtime “ritual” to help your body and mind prepare for sleep.  Taking a warm shower/bath, reading, or listening to soft music may help you fall asleep.
  • Use your bed/bedroom only for sleeping and sex.  Your bed/bedroom should be a place of relaxation, a “sanctuary.”  Don’t do work in bed.
  • If, after 10-15 minutes of lying in bed, you are unable to fall asleep, get up, go to another room and engage in something relaxing such as reading or watching TV until you get sleep.
  • Doing at least 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise, especially in the morning, has been found to be helpful in improving sleep.  Avoid any strenuous exercise several hours before bedtime, although doing some light stretching or yoga before you turn in may help you relax.
  • Keep a regular sleep-wake schedule.  That is, get up and go to bed at the same time each day.  Staying up or sleeping in during the weekend will interfere with your sleep pattern.
  • Stop consuming caffeinated products by mid-afternoon.
  • Make sure your bedroom is conducive for sleep.  That is, reduce room noise, use low lighting, and keep a comfortable room temperature (60-70 degrees is recommended).

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