Archive for the ‘Psychologist’ category

50 Shades of Fun for Couples

March 17, 2015

Here are a list of activities that you can do to have fun as a couple.  Some of them may seem silly or quirky, but the point is to do something out of the ordinary to “shake things up” and have fun.  Hopefully, this will also inspire you to come up with your own list (see #50)!  (These should be done together unless noted otherwise.)

  1. Give each other a back massage (or foot massage).
  2. Cook a meal together (not your usual weekday meal).
  3. Go out for ice cream and try your partner’s favorite flavor.  (If you both like the same flavor, then each of you tries something new.)
  4. Read a passage from a book (hint:  think romantic and/or “spicy”) to your partner.
  5. Try (or learn) a new sport or hobby together.
  6. Put on some music and dance while you do the chores together.
  7. Just put on some music and dance!  (If you have children/grandchildren, show them the dances you grew up with—Jitterbug, Hustle, Electric Slide, Macarena.)
  8. Go on a date, BUT pretend that you don’t know each other.  Use your best “pick-up” line and flirt (shamelessly) with each other.
  9. Have breakfast in bed and read the Sunday comics together.
  10. Work on a puzzle.
  11. Play a board game.
  12. Leave “love notes” (e.g., Post-It notes with a note on it) for your partner to find in various places (e.g., clothes drawer, briefcase, purse, dashboard of car, etc.).
  13. Make a “Top 10 List” of the funniest moments/events in the history of your marriage/relationship.  Frame this list or put it in a scrapbook.
  14. Find a volunteer activity to do together.
  15. Take a drive to somewhere out of town neither of you have visited and go exploring!
  16. Try a new restaurant.
  17. Take a bath/shower together.
  18. Go to a playground and play!
  19. Create your own “bedtime story.”  Give a new meaning to “pillow talk.”
  20. Have a picnic at home—in your living room, in the backyard—lay a blanket to sit on, have finger foods.
  21. Go fly a kite!
  22. Go to Karaoke night and sing a duet together.
  23. Challenge your partner to a video game (e.g., sports or dance games).
  24. Do a “challenge” together (e.g., 90-Day Fitness Challenge, 3 months to meet a goal etc.).
  25. Have a pillow “fight.”
  26. Bike, hike, jog, run, or walk through a park.
  27. Go the beach to watch the sunset (or sunrise).
  28. Have a moonlight picnic, in the backyard, under the stars . . . with a flashlight.
  29. Go on a walking tour of your city/town.
  30. Visit a museum and later talk about what you liked/disliked or learned.
  31. Create new memories:  Take pictures of yourselves having fun and create a scrapbook of memories—actual album or on your computer, tablet—to look through from time to time.
  32. Share jokes or funny stories with your partner, or watch comedy shows or funny video clips together.
  33. Find your “theme song” as a couple, or write your own together.
  34. Recall what you did as a child for fun (e.g., hopscotch, jump rope, roller skating, hula hoop, etc.) and do it together.
  35. Have movie night at home—with popcorn, box of candies, etc.
  36. Have a meal with only finger foods, and feed each other.
  37. Buy a bottle of bubbles and blow bubbles.
  38. Bake bread—knead, roll, punch the dough together.
  39. Finger paint or create a piece of artwork together, frame it, and hang it in your bedroom.
  40. Visit the zoo or aquarium.  Pick out your favorite attraction and share it with your partner.
  41. Give each other a manicure/pedicure (nail polish, optional).
  42. Spend a morning in bed just cuddling.
  43. Have a couples’ “spa day”—pamper each other at home, or go to a spa.
  44. Go to a flea market and hunt for “treasure(s).”
  45. Create your “couples playlist” of favorite songs.
  46. Do something exhilarating (rock climbing, sky diving, zip lining, etc.).
  47. Take a pottery class (a la the movie “Ghost”).
  48. Go to a wine-, beer-, coffee-tasting event.
  49. Take dance classes (e.g., Ballroom, Salsa, etc.) that you can do as a couple.
  50. Create your own “50 Shades of Fun.”

Are You Planning for the New Year?

December 31, 2014

In a few hours, 2014 will come to a close (at least where I am living).  With that, we start a new year.  Most people are thinking about their resolutions for the next 12 months and the goals they hope to achieve.  As you are reflecting back on this year, if you were able to reach your goals (or even exceed them), then congratulate yourself on your success.  If, however, for whatever reason, you weren’t successful in meeting your resolutions, then here are three simple tips (yes, I want to make this easy rather than complicated) to consider as you are making your resolutions for the year.

  1. Shake it off.  It’s a new year.  Whatever happened in 2014, whatever you’ve been through, it’s time to “shake it off” and move forward.  Even if you are still dealing with a certain situation, tell yourself that you will keep on moving forward no matter how small the progress or how difficult it may be to do this.  As in Taylor Swift’s song Shake It Off, “But I just keep on cruising, can’t stop, won’t stop moving.  It’s like I got this music in my mind singing, it’s gonna be alright.”  Keep on cruising and don’t stop moving forward.
  2. Take the good and learn from the bad.  As much as there may have been difficult circumstances or negative events during the year, you probably experienced positive situations as well.  If you really thought about all the things that went well (again, no matter how minor or small they may seem—think “things-to-be-grateful-for”), you can come up with a list of these events.  Don’t take them for granted.  As for the challenges, what can you learn from them?  What is the takeaway you can apply in the new year, if not the future?  Even in the most negative situations, there lies a learning opportunity if you are willing to look for it.
  3. The power of 1.  When you are thinking of your resolutions, rather than listing all of the changes you will make, identify the one thing (i.e., one behavior) you can do now.  For example, if you are planning to change and improve your eating habits, what can you do today?  Will you consider enjoying the party foods, but in moderation?  Can you plan your meals for tomorrow?  Keep it simple.  One behavior may not seem like much, but think about how changing one behavior consistently will add up 12 months from now.

I hope the next year will bring you much joy and fulfillment.  I wish you much success in reaching your goals.

Give the Gift of Kindness

December 18, 2014

The holidays are here and most people are doing their last minute shopping for gifts.  As you are shopping for the “perfect gift” for your family and friends, consider giving the “gift of kindness” this season.  The gift of kindness is not costly and it will not put you in debt, and what you receive in “return” (i.e., making others feel good) will be priceless.  The point is to give this gift to those who may not be in your usual social circle.

To get started, here are some ideas:

  • Purchase a few $5 or $10 gift cards to give to strangers.
  • Volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless/women’s shelter.
  • Spend a day or a few hours doing household tasks or running errands for an elderly neighbor, or providing childcare for a single mother.
  • When you are purchasing your meal in a drive-thru line, purchase or give money toward the meal for the car in line behind you.

Get creative and find other ways to give this gift!

It’s Time to “Get-R-Done!”

March 15, 2012

I saw a clip of Larry the Cable Guy the other night while channel-surfing and heard his famous term, “Get-R-Done!” which reminded me:  Now that National Procrastination Week was over (if you missed it, it was last week), I seriously needed to get things done.  I have to admit that I have a tendency to procrastinate and need to keep myself on task to get items from my To-Do list to the Got-Done list rather than “waiting until the last minute” and dealing with the stress and anxiety.  Over the past few years, I’ve come up with some strategies that I use and have also recommended to clients.  See if any of these will work for you.  (If you’re not a procrastinator, good for you!)

  1. Break it down into smaller tasks.  If you are looking to tackle a “big project,” chances are when you look at the “whole thing,” you may feel overwhelmed and more apt to “put it off until later.”  However, breaking it down into smaller tasks will make it easier to complete.  Think of it not as one big project, but rather a bunch of smaller tasks.
  2. “Just do it.”  To quote the Nike ad, sometimes you just need to take action, however small (see #1), which then creates momentum.  I heard a writer say that the way in which he overcomes writer’s block is to just start writing regardless of whether he feels like it or not.  He admitted that the first few minutes of his writing is “gibberish,” but as he continues and gets into the “groove,” he ends up with something worthwhile.  Likewise, once you start something, you are more likely to continue.
  3. Good enough is good enough.  One reason people struggle with procrastination has to do with perfectionism.  That whatever they need to get done has to be “perfect” and therefore, they put off completing tasks because it’s “not good enough.”  Unfortunately, for perfectionists, no matter what they do or how good it is, it may never reach perfection.  More importantly, this is unattainable.  Ask yourself, “What is the price (or result) of not having anything done versus having something done?”
  4. Reward yourself.  Let’s face it, we tend to procrastinate on things we don’t want to do rather than things we like to do (at least I tend to do this).  Consequently, you probably need more motivation to get these tasks done.  To sustain your motivation, reward yourself once you complete a task (even the smaller ones).  Rewards don’t necessarily mean that you have to “buy stuff.”  Some of the rewards that have worked for me include taking a walk, listening to music, reading a good book, calling a friend, and getting a cup of coffee.

So, whatever your reason(s) for procrastinating, I hope you’ll try some of these strategies and “get-r-done!”